And so it begins again…

So the inevitable march begins.  I can feel it in every ounce of my being…the impending storm that lies ahead.  Memories, tears, hurt, pain, emptiness, longing, questions, shattered dreams, brokenness.  I miss you.  It has been so long since I’ve written anything on the blog.  So much has happened, so much to say and yet so little that I can say.  Life has continued on, but there is that huge piece of me that is stuck…that piece that refuses to move forward that against all things will not march on with life.  It waits…it remains…it aches…it sits there at the doors of that hospital waiting to be handed a baby so that it can be wheeled out of that hospital with hopes and dreams instead of nightmares and shattered wishes.  I often go back there to that day and try to imagine what would of happened had things been different, but I just can’t.  I have been doing much better.  I can acknowledge that.  But there are still those times when it all seems so very wrong.  I don’t think it will ever be truly right ever again.  I love you…and so it begins…August the 4th is coming…I can feel it…my heart knows…my mind senses…my body aches…something is missing…

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