Merry Christmas 2014

Merry Christmas my love.  How beautiful the day has been.  My thoughts have traveled to you often today.  Your sweet round face, your tiny hands, the weight of your body in my arms.  Then of course the bad thoughts come rushing in…flooding my thoughts with pain, tears, an utter feeling of helplessness.  I want to say that it was a perfect day, but I fear that will never be true.  It was a very nice day.  I saw your brothers experience joy, excitement, love, thankfulness, and family time…and all of those things were amazing for a mother to experience.  I do acknowledge that.  I am blessed every day, every moment I get to spend with your brothers and dad.  I miss all of those moments that I will never get to experience with you.  I love you baby and still miss you terribly…yet I rejoice for the blessing, the gift you received in returning home to God.  Your ornament from Mamaw was perfect this year.  It was a little baby sleeping and had a beautiful poem on it.  Be well my love…

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