Happy 6th Birthday Baby.

Happy Birthday my dearest Kross.  We just returned from releasing your balloons and a family meal.  This day is always so filled with mixed emotions for me.  I want to remember you on this special day, but deep down inside sometimes I wish I could forget.  I know that is bad for me to say, but it is my truth.  My heart still aches for you.  I somehow thought that the ache would get better, but it doesn’t seem to have done so.  Today was one of the worst birthdays that I have experienced since that first loss.  Today you would have started kindergarten.  I had to work in the schools this morning and when I saw all of those kids beginning their new year I was devastated.  I tried to imagine you on your first day, but I couldn’t do it.  I just couldn’t see it, because you would never have a first day…you would never have a first anything.  That thought devastated me.  I love you so very much and I wouldn’t take anything for our 9 months together, but I keep praying that one day I will be able to focus on our afterlife together and the good times that we had planning for you.  I miss you so much and I hope that you know that you are still in my thoughts everyday.  I will never let your name go unspoken, or your memory go stale.  Love you Mommy, daddy, Braeden, and Gunner.

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